I first moved abroad when I turned nine years old – and ever since, I have regularly moved every few years. In many ways, the experience was beautiful – I was able to see the world, get acquainted with new cultures, and explore myself in a very unique way. But there were also struggles. Homesickness, culture shock, and ongoing questions around belonging and identity.
I felt like I was just fine getting by on my own for a long while, but relocation stress and anxiety kept building up until I wasn’t quite sure how to cope on my own. I first turned to friends and family – and it helped, for a while. But soon I realized that I needed to address the problem on a deeper level. And that’s when I started therapy.
Therapy is not a magical pill that solves all problems once and for all. But it can help people understand themselves better, build coping tools, and make meaningful changes over time. For me, therapy became a steady guide that led me through some of the most difficult moments of life abroad. Together with my co-founders, who are all expats and have dealt with similar struggles, we created My Expat Mind – a platform that connects expats with licensed therapists worldwide to make sure no one goes through the “life abroad struggles” alone.
It’s very natural to seek therapy in such circumstances, but how do you know whether a therapist is actually the right fit for you?
Below are the 7 main factors you should take into consideration when choosing a therapist – especially if you’re living abroad.
1. Specific Approach & Modality
Many therapists just offer general talk therapy, as opposed to focusing on a specific therapeutic modality. While that can certainly be helpful, a more structured approach will be useful for staying on track with your goals and measuring progress.
Therapeutic modalities are specific techniques that therapists use to reach your desired outcomes. These can range from psychotherapy, CBT, or EMDR to art therapy and more.
Choosing the best approach requires some trial and error, but many therapists offer free or discounted first sessions to allow you to check whether their particular modality or technique fits you well. Some therapists hold more structured sessions using a variety of tools, while others prefer a more conversational approach. Note that there is no single modality that works for everyone, and therapists tend to blend modalities despite what their profiles suggest.
Here are some quick breakdowns of common modalities suitable for different types of issues. Note that many specialists combine approaches, and the effectiveness of sessions will depend on your relationship with a therapist as much as on the modality itself.
- CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) – focuses on identifying and changing harmful thought patterns and behaviours. Suitable for issues like: anxiety disorders (GAD, panic, social anxiety), depression, phobias, OCD, stress.
- Psychodynamic Therapy – focuses on exploring unconscious patterns and past experiences and their impact on current behavior. Suitable for issues like: attachment issues, relationship issues, low self-esteem, identity issues.
- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) – focuses on helping the brain reprocess traumatic memories to reduce their weight and impact on your life. Suitable for issues like: PTSD, childhood trauma, phobias linked to specific events.
- Schema Therapy – focuses on deep emotional patterns (“schemas”) formed early in life. Suitable for issues like: attachment wounds, childhood and upbringing trauma, long-term anxiety or depression, chronic relationship problems.
- Psychoanalysis – focuses on exploring unconscious processes over time. Suitable for issues like: complex trauma, personality patterns, deep emotional challenges, identity and meaning struggles.
2. Goal-Setting
A suitable therapist should work with you to outline your goals for therapy in your first few sessions. Don’t expect to have everything figured out right away, but you should get a sense of direction for the work. They should clarify what change would look like for you and how you’ll recognise whether therapy is helping. It’s good to identify this early on, so that you can come back to it down the line.
Over time, you will be able to return to these goals set early on to see whether therapy is working or whether you need adjustments.
3. Thorough & transparent
Once you’ve identified your goals together, a therapist should walk you through how they plan to help you get there. What strategies are they planning to use to help you make the changes you want?
A therapist should be able to explain how they usually work, what approaches they draw on, and what a typical session might look like. They should also give you an understanding of how long the therapy course will last and how often you should meet to reach your desired outcomes most effectively.
Thoroughness shows they’re organised, and the more transparent they are with you, the more you can build a trusting relationship – something that’s key for effective therapy.
4. Validating but Challenging
Your therapist should never make you feel judged, no matter what you say. But they’re also not there to make you feel good – and it’s normal not to feel better immediately after a session.
A good therapist will validate your emotions, but not necessarily your actions/decisions. If you’re avoiding something just because it’s uncomfortable, they would guide you to examine that, encouraging you to get out of your comfort zone.
Feeling challenged in therapy is actually a good thing – after all, growth is usually somewhat uncomfortable. The key is that your therapist challenges you in an empathetic and understanding manner.
5. Emotional Safety
Above all, your therapist should make you feel safe being honest and vulnerable with them. Although it might still be difficult to open up, with the right therapist, you’ll feel supported by them when you do.
It often takes trying out a few different therapists before you find one that you feel comfortable with, so don’t get too discouraged if the first few you reach out to don’t feel right.
6. Cultural Alignment
Your culture affects how you see the world in the most subtle ways: it can influence how you understand emotions, form boundaries, nurture relationships, and process your feelings. Even well-trained therapists can’t escape that and are often influenced by their own background.
It can feel exhausting and frustrating to have to explain the expectations and norms of your cultural background to a therapist who is completely unfamiliar with it. Over time, this can slow your healing process and simply cause unnecessary frustration, so it is worth considering finding a therapist from your country, or at least a country that shares a similar culture.
If you can’t find a compatible therapist of a similar culture to yours, the next best thing is to find a therapist who works with expat clients. If their profile directly mentions working with expats, they are likely well-versed in the challenges that come with being an expat and can navigate cultural differences with curiosity and attentiveness.
7. Language
Language and nuance matter in therapy. You should be able to express yourself as clearly as possible: to get as close to describing your experience as you can. If the local language (or English, for that matter) isn’t your first language, you will benefit from finding a therapist who speaks the language you’re most comfortable in.
Why Finding a Therapist Who Works with Expats Can Make All the Difference
Living abroad can affect your identity, relationships, sense of safety, and partially take away your support systems. Finding a therapist with a shared context means that you won’t have to spend much time explaining your situation, but focus on what you actually came to therapy for.
You will find that therapists on platforms like My Expat Mind know these struggles very well. Many have lived abroad themselves, so they understand how to support clients through culture shock, language barriers, relocation stress, and identity shifts. Specialists clearly list their approaches, working languages, and whether they hold sessions fully online or also in person, so you can choose what fits you best.
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